Remember when you devoured the entire cake, saying that you were saving it from spoilage? Well, as good as expiry and rotting of foods are as convenient excuses for indulgence, there are some edibles in the world that kick time right in the face as it conspires to lace them with rancidity. Here we have carefully brought together 10 such ninja foods- enjoy! (at your own risk, of course)
This delicious and meticulously prepared dish takes a full year to be readied. A native ingenuity from Greenland, fashioned for times of harsh, cold winter months when starvation was the chief death-agent; this is basically a seal, sealed with grease after being stuffed with 300-500 auk birds for over at least ten months till they ferment (the more the birds, the gooier). The seal is stored with love, under a rock, to keep away air-contact; and then served after it’s completion, with more love on happy occasions such as Birthdays and Weddings.
9. Battle Butties
But Battles don’t have to mean bad, stale food anymore! Thanks to our Scientists’ glorious new invention, which saved the day for men who save the day- a sandwich that comes with a two-year-long shelf life. The Military boys have received this diet with great relish- bread that doesn’t become a nest for yeast, nor a sponge for the filling of the sandwich, and the filling! How can one not love the fillings that range within five flavors, after years of being fed with similar tasting stuff? The flavors include Shelf-Stable Italian Style, Shelf- Stable Pepperoni and Shelf-Stable Honeyed Barbecued Beef among others. But it doesn’t stop here, because the scientists are all working ravenously for their next addition to the Shelf-Stable Family, the Peanut butter and Jelly baby!
A cookie with many names- pilot bread, ship’s biscuit, “dog biscuits” (rightfully named), “sheet iron”, “worm castles” (hopefully not rightfully named), or “molar breakers”( similar hopes)- and an unrecorded number of years for life. This cracker is made of flour, salt and minimal water, so as to ensure an incredibly lingering existence- of the cracker. The men of the Army in Civil War (when it was first baked with good intention), however, may have lost their teeth while staving off their hunger, unless they consumed these as dissolved in water, coffee or whiskey (preferable if one doesn’t give a care to how the beverage tastes).
The longevity of this bread is known to have become the butt of many jokes, such as the initials “BC” on it speaking for the date of its manufacture and not the initials of the manufacturer. This seems credible, if one considers the persistent rumors that the Hardtack made during the Civil War was doled out again during the Spanish-American war that followed 35 years later.
7. 40-Years-Old Rations – Not So Old Yet
Let’s go back to cake for a while. Turns out that your cover-up for inability to see through delayed gratification isn’t quite veritable. But then you’re not in the Army either, as Colonel Henry Moak who saved a cake issued to him in the Vietnam War for a promise he’d made- that he’d take a bite of it on the day he’d retire. Well, on the Big day, he sliced that cake with a sabre and gulped it down, flashing a thumbs up for reply when asked about the taste. This was 40 years after he first set eyes upon the dessert. And you couldn’t wait for a day.
6. 50-year-old Chicken
Les Lailey married his wife Beryl in 1956, and to mark the day as special and legendary, he promised her he would eat a can of chicken given to them as a wedding gift on their 50th wedding anniversary. The chicken, after playing the guardian over their marriage for 50 years, finally saw the light of day on the promised occasion. The finger-licking’ good moment happened without any serious repercussions for the man’s seasoned stomach.
5. The Stenchy Case Of The Senior Can of Lard
German Food expert, Hans Feldmeier owes nailing a bet about the proposed, practically infinite, edibility of canned food, to a 64 years old can of lard (animal fat used for cooking and sometimes – rather distastefully- as bread spread), The special honor in swallowing lumps o’ lard from this old baby lay in the fact that Hans had received this as part of a care package presented to Germany by the US. Back then he’d deigned it wise to save the can for an emergency, which never really showed until he got into the spirited argument that egged him on to finally set the fat free. But I say the real emergency must have been the one that followed the act, a fetid mouth that could disarm a skunk.
4. A Fruitcake is Forever
Ask Jay Leno, if you have a hard time swallowing this (as in the proclamation), who swallowed a great big bite of a 125- year old fruitcake, sent to him with love, on his Tonight Show by an 83- year old Morgan Ford. This man was the great-grandson of a certain Fidelia Bates, who had died in 1873, a few days before the Thanksgiving holiday for which she had affectionately baked this fruitcake. Upon her demise, her family made the absurd decision of preserving the cake, cocooned in plastic, never in the least guessing, that over a century down the road, this little piece of confectionery will end up in stardom.
3. Centuries oF Being Wine
The divine thing about wine is that it gets better with age. For a long time, wine retrieved from forsaken ruins of ships has been widely purchased at enormous prices, especially the kind that is centuries old, and yes, they’re consumed well and properly. For instance, in 2010, Baltic sea revealed within it’s bed, several bottles of 200 -years’ old wine to delighted Finnish fishermen. In fact, researchers and wine moguls agree that the ocean bed provides as a better preserver for wine than any cellars.
2. Live a Long Life, Honey
Many Mummies in ancient Egypt, were sent off to heaven with pots upon pots of honey, which is edible even after 50,000 years have passed away. The secret to such immortality is in being gifted with a) an acidic nature and b)a hygroscopic property.
1. Mammoth sized Dinner and other Pre-historic Perishables
People like Russian travelers, etc have been known(in myth and reality) for a bizarre choice of food when in the permafrost region- the flesh off of a mammoth’s silvering bones. This diet is free of disease and sickness, and also deserves a mention of the 50,000 years old horse bone, whose marrow was cooked and eaten by some paleontologists; and some researchers who also cooked and ate from the meat taken from a 36000, old bison corpse.